DISNEYLAND INFORMATION GUIDE

Photo © by Karl Buiter / Pirate Logo © Disney

We'd wondered here on the site if the Pirates event at Disneyland Saturday May 20th was going to be problematic, but no one expected just how badly it would all turn out.

Yeah, there's a percentage of hardcore collectors, but the majority, I think, is like me: I want maybe a t-shirt, definitely a CD, possibly a pin. Collectors, and the hated Speculators (buy up limited edition collectibles only to turn around and ebay them shortly thereafter for a hefty profit, no love or respect for the artists or attraction) Want to unwrap every little thing and inspect it for scratches. This, from my observation, is what held up the pick-up line.

What could fix this? An inspection table, where these people can haul their merchandise over and inspect it without making the people who just want some T-Shirts and pins wait four hours for them. One of those tear-off tabs on the wristlets could have been for the CD purchase. Or they could have stamped your hand....or your order form. Or used one of those mouse shaped hole punches. That would guarantee one per person.

The Special Events / Merchandise people were working their collective asses off well into the wee smalls. There was no decision made that I know of to deliberately make things as inconvenient as possible for attendees. Honest. I loved the good things about this event so much. But I'm sunburnt and aching, and I spent over 12 hours yesterday standing in line. Enough of the whining. They're gonna hear it from lots of other people.

I just hope this isn't the end of Special Events....when they are good, they are so, so damned good. If this was your first, I hope you'll give a future one a chance. They are usually much better organized. Honest.

Hey! Do you want to know what I did this weekend? Read on: Friday was busy, as my pals Mike and Jen were driving from Vegas for my graduation. I had rehearsal, then went into the gym and put on my cap and gown and marched to the slightly out of tune former 45 Years of Magic Parade Theme Song.

There were long speeches and I got my cover (I had all ready gotten my Piece of Paper in the mail.) and got nice leis and had a party at my place. Mike made me several jars of spicy Bengal BBQ sauce. After the party, Dante and I joined our pals at the Disneyland Pacific. I'd never stayed there before. It was nice; I'd recommend it.

We sat by the window and watched Mulholland Madness running it's little Wild Mouse cars. I thought about the Wild Mouse going into Animal Kingdom, and later found that I'd gotten the nomenclature mixed up for it. Primeval Whirl is the Dinosaur Carnival themed Wild Mouse and Triceratops Twirl is the Dumbo-Type, with sixteen cute little Ceras (oops, wrong Cute Dinosaurs) spinning like a top. Hence the name. Triceratops. Hey, I'm a college graduate and it took me a couple of minutes, too.

When we woke up, the little cars were still racing around the track. The ride should be about as long as Dumbo. I wonder what Mr. Toad looks like without the walls. Wouldn't it be cool if they Wild Moused Toad? Oh, wait, they are, kind of. Cool.

We took the tram over and reached the Christmas Tree Lot at eight. The line was all the way down the fence and doubled back halfway. Ouch.

We got our numbers (759 or so for me) and went across the street to IHOP. Do yourself a favor and go to Millie's.

I wandered out of line to use the ATM and saw what the holdup was: insufficient people to check in the 1400 attendees that they knew were coming. Ouch. Much, much later... we got our packets and green wristbands and went to stand in line and fill out our merch forms.

It should be like Toad, I thought, You stroll through and gander at the merch, fill out your form, and breeze over to Space Mountain and the Tiki Room. My pass had expired, so I looked forward to playing in the park until the evening festivities.

To my disappointment, there was a line extending back to the camera shop, which moved achingly slowly. As a form of apology for this, we were handed eyepatches that proclaimed: "made in China", that were...well....free. Not having counted on spending extended time outside in the sun, I neglected to wear sunscreen on my exposed shoulders. Ouch.

At about noon, we were allowed inside the Opera House....wait! Jen was not allowed in; even though she was with us, her number wasn't near ours, so she was turned away at the door. She waited on a bench for us. Inside were some marvels and some major disappointments. The Ship in a bottle and Hardins were splendid. The minimum bid for the ship was 9000.00. No, that's not a typo. Somebody got greedy. Nine Thousand Dollars. No bid was made.

The logo on the T-Shirts was the ugly one that I didn't like so I crossed it off my list. (Dave Hall: I got you a CD instead. You'll thank me). There was yet another long line to hand in one's list.

I marked down a CD on my primary and a CD on my secondary list. I signed at the bottom, showed my MKC card, and was handed the pink copy of the list: "That's for you." NOT: "You will need this to pick up your merchandise or you will have to wait much, much longer." Mea culpa for leaving it in the car, but I was damned tired.

We then went to Big Thunder and I got my first taste of Billy Hill. I think my favorite one is Billy, and they liked my lei. We then went over to the hotel to get things in and out of the car (sunburn lotion) and cool down. They took the benches out from under the waterfalls! Mutiny! Agh! We spent time with our pals Rob and Heather, who are expecting a little one in November, so I gave them baby presents and they gave me Pokemon stuff for Alice. We also traded pins, my red Chevron for his bitchen Alien Encounter.

We met the gang at the Lost Bar, along with Byron, and had a tapas-type dinner at Hook's Pointe. I'd highly recommend it. Everything that we sampled and shared was full of flavor. I'll give a review of it when I can convince Al to let me start doing restaurant reviews. I must say this: the black martini? So-so. The Planters' Punch? Actually punches you. Nice.

Oh! The Patina restaurant in LA is getting a huge rehaul, including a couch lounge and a chef's table in their newly-expanded kitchen. Will there be a Chef's table in Downtown Disney? Victoria and Albert's at WDW has had a roaring success with theirs. Keep your fingers crossed. I also got a great pic of Cynthia with Wolfgang Puck. I'll see if I can't scan it in this week.

We took the monorail back to the park, and passed over the going to be empty for quite a while Sub Lagoon. Says the Ventriloquist: "Just wanted to make sure you kept your 'zine accurate. The Subs are NOT being refurbished and are NOT scheduled to be reactivated any time soon (years). There is no conceptual work being done and none on the horizon. The Rods removal ARE being discussed, but there's been no focused talks." Damn. I hate when things are too good to be true.

Mike had an awful experience trying to pick up his merch at the 2:30 (was 1:00) pickup time. He had to wait in still another line, and after more than a half hour someone came out and informed him that he couldn't pick up his things as only the lowest of numbers were available so far. He griped: "So, what have I been doing here for a half hour?" "Having fun!" the young thing snapped. Ouch.

The next line was for the Fantasyland Theatre discussion. I joked to Dante as we wended thataway as we passed Storybook Land: "there's the line!" he dove over there and as I tried to tell him I was joking, it turned out that yes, indeed, that was the line. It went forward through a switchback by the train station and into the theatre.

We found seats near the front and I was about to grab some coffee when I ran into Maynard Smith. Wally Boag's heir as the Clown Prince of Disneyland informed me that he had the privilege of doing the voice of the rather large skull hanging over the stage. There was also a figure on a rocking chair, who appeared to be holding a banjo. When the skull started talking, he jumped up and ran away.

Cynthia Harriss followed via video, apologizing for not showing up; the camera backs away to reveal that she is in the jail cell with the pirates trying to get the keys from the doggie. Gotta love her.

The discussion, which I'm guessing Sue will describe to you in detail, was very nice. Most of us were spoiled by the Mansion event and found it "almost as good". Alice Davis got a well-deserved standing ovation, and I hope Marty comes through with her Window on Main Street, U.S.A.

Bob Baranick, who Imagineered several major rehabs of Pirates, confirmed my story about why the World of Motion figures went into Pirates... it wasn't for Political Correctness. That's an urban legend. Can I stop hitting my head on this brick wall now? Hula Shirt Guy said so!

There were pretty cookies with the logo on them. Looked good on the cookies, bad on the pins and shirts. Go fig. There was also pretty weak punch and pretty good coffee, but no flavors for them this time. We went to see Magic In the Stars [the fireworks]. Wow. The Mickey didn't work, but we stood in the visual sweet spot (email me) and it rocked. I love that show!

It was so difficult to wade through the crowds to get to Adventureland that we were separated from each other, but we finally met up and stood in the Pirates queue for another good hour, listening to Fantasmic! and watching the two fiber-optic jackets' fireworks shows. A thousand bucks for a jacket. It would have to wash my car and do my dishes.

I was cheered by the sight of empty boats approaching, hoping people were getting walked through parts of the attraction. Nope. We got our buttons and rode through. There was someone on the bridge just past Blue Bayou. I was not happy that Marc's litho was dumped halfway into the water in the first skeleton scene. I was really disappointed that the painting above the bar was not reproduced for the event. You know, the wench with the eye patch and little else? I love that. It screams "Mantelpiece!"

There were other humans hanging out with the Audioanimatronic pirates, but best of all was when we rounded the jail scene, where Cynthia's skeleton hung from the door, and then, sitting on chairs, were Alice Davis, Bob Baranick, Kim Irvine-Allison, X. Atencio, the always lovely Harriet Burns, (the first female Imagineer and the only female WED Imagineer to have a Window on Main Street, U.S.A.) and Sam McKim. They got lots of cheers and hellos.

I wish they would have a meet and greet with these people that doesn't put them right in the attraction. So many people want to thank them in person...not just get things signed or wave as you go by, you know?

After the ride, I was given what looked to be one of Joe Rodhe's earrings. It was a beautiful metal key with the event name and date in a lovely box. Tim O'Day, the moderator of the discussion, was at the exit to Meet and Greet, which was very nice indeed. I like Tim very much, but I just love to see him being handcuffed, threatened, and having Dalmatian molds tossed at him. No molds this time, but I bet the auction was of great interest!

I really wish we could have more "social time" at these events. There are people I only see at events, who live far-off, and I'd love to have more beverage reception time or whatever. Please, powers that be, make note of this. The highlights of last night were all in the forms of people I know and love, and also getting to meet lots of my readers... and "re-meet" one of my heroes. I love the feedback, and appreciate the criticism.

Oh, then the misery. My feet were throbbing...in my comfortable shoes! I was sunburnt and cold (mild allergy to the sun...oopsie) I wanted to get my stuff and leave. It was almost midnight. Let's go to Main Street and....wait in line. We got into the line and waited. And waited. And waited.

At about two or so, Bruce came out and offered to pay shipping for anyone who wanted to go home; they could pay by credit card or call him (he gave his business card out) and send a check, or they could come by the park in the next few days and pick their items up at their leisure. My party opted to stay. We were cold, tired, and miserable. I asked if they could scare up more of the hot coffee, and the Dear Soul was trying to, but the Other Guys weren't cooperating. They brought out chocolate doubloons... you know, the ones with the characters on them? and handed them out. This seemed to just make people angrier. They showed up with cokes and waters, and that was good. I had a sore throat at this point. I was just as miserable as miserable could be.

At four, we got into the Fifth Freedom area, and I saw the management of the event, who were there when I first showed up hustling around getting things done with not enough staffing, still hustling around, grabbing people's purchases out of the back and working just as hard as the kids who weren't in business wear. Bravo, you worked your asses off with little or no support.

The registers had decided to shut down, so cash transactions were done by hand. This further lengthened the process. Finally, we went outside to Main Street, U.S.A. with the work lamps on (if I don't hear that music loop for a year it will be too soon). Vans showed up to pick us up and take us to parking or the hotels (one nice security type even donated the use of his own sedan) and we were whisked to our cars.

We said goodbye to Mike and Jen, then drove to Dante's old house, woke up four hours later and, with the help of the Riddler, moved the last of his furniture down to his new place (Huzzah! Dante is a mere five minutes away instead of ninety!) and collapsed.

Again, I sincerely hope that Special Events continue. Yes, Something Went Terribly Wrong this time, but what went right went REALLY right. The problems were almost all in the handling of the merchandise. The event itself would have been an unmitigated success otherwise, but people were just too angry, and too little was done too late. I paid for park admission and stood in line. I had time to ride one attraction and eat a quick lunch; otherwise, I was queued up or in events. I would have liked a ticket to come back and ride Space Mountain.

What would you suggest for changes? I'll feature your comments in Dear Fabby all this week.


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