DISNEYLAND INFORMATION GUIDE

Photo © by Karl Buiter / Pirate Logo © Disney

We'd wondered here on the site if the Pirates event at Disneyland Saturday May 20th was going to be problematic, but no one expected just how badly it would all turn out.

[Here's a link to PART TWO (with even more photos) if you want to read that now]:

I had planned to write a pleasant little report of the Pirates event, starting with my experience getting reservations at the Pacific Hotel. Planned is the operative word. I had stuff all written up so I could just come home after the event, add a little bit about how pleasant the panelists were, the free gift they gave us and maybe a word or two about the merchandising stuff. What do they say about best-laid plans? I am tossing them out to begin again.

I don’t even know where to begin to describe the fiasco formerly known as the Pirates of the Caribbean Celebration. A few weeks ago, I expressed concern over the quality of this event when I wrote the words here on the D-I-G:

For you sensitive folks out there, no, I never swear, sweet little old me? No, that isn’t the word you think it is. The deleted word isn’t an expletive at all, no it’s, it’s, finding. Yes, that’s it, finding disaster at Disneyland.

One would think after producing so many other Merchandising Special Events that Disneyland would have drawn from past mistakes, fixed those, and added more of what worked. But no, this event ran almost as if they had never thrown one of these affairs before. It was, quite simply, a test of endurance. Sitting here the day after, I feel as though I have just been through a weekend of bizarre Disney Boot Camp where I was forced through a series of trials to test my loyalty as a Disney fan.

Let’s be honest here. This whole event was not about celebrating Pirates of the Caribbean. It was a cheap excuse to sell more merchandise all dolled up as a Pirates of the Caribbean Event. I have no problem with that. If Disney doesn’t sell stuff, they don’t have much reason to exist, they are in the business to make a profit, after all.

So, that said, I expected to stand in line for a while to make purchases. I expected not to get everything I wanted due to limited quantities. I think that’s fair. I understand that.

I also expected the sale to be run in a fair and reasonable manner. I know a thing or two about retail. I’ve worked in the retail biz for a long time. I know what it’s like to run a sale with rabid fans frothing at the bit to fork over obscene amounts of money for bibelots they don’t really need, but want passionately.

It’s not all that hard, you know (to run a sale like this). Make sure you lay out all the rules of the sale before hand so the customer knows what to expect. Staff the sale with more than extra help and make sure they’re your best because it’s akin to being at the front of the firing line. If you know the customer is going to be waiting in line for any length of time, provide them with beverages or something to keep them from feeling grumpy for having to wait, in other words, divert their attention so they don’t think about having to wait. Price things fair and have a good selection of varied merchandise with yet more staff to answer questions and assist however needed. Work fast to get the customers through so they don’t get grumpy. Smile, be pleasant, and say thanks a lot. Have everything organized before the sale is announced to the public and stick to it because when you don’t, you end up looking stupid and unprofessional.

Disney has been around a while. I would expect, just by nature of their longevity in the business, that they would know the above mentioned simple things to successful sales events. The way the Pirates of the Caribbean event was run, it appeared that they just began doing business this past week, because boys and girls, they did not have their act together. The event was kind of like the Muck-up Blue Plate Special. Nice meat in the middle sandwiched on both ends by totally bungling the merchandising portion of the event.

The sale was woefully understaffed and what few staff they had was comprised of way too many new cast members. At one point, I stood so long waiting for my merchandise, when they threw in a new CM, I found myself showing her what she needed to do to help that customer, “You check to make sure everything’s in the bag, the CD case isn’t cracked and the autograph is there. Some were missing that you know. Have the customer sign the bottom. You give her the pink copy and you keep the white and yellow.”

I felt sorry for the cast members working this thing. They took a lot of abuse. If their bosses had done their jobs and organized this thing properly (read that as--if the head knew what the feet were doing), the cast members on the front line would never have had to suffer. I would be horrified if I failed my staff so completely like that.

If you’re reading this and thinking to yourself, “Come on Sue, don’t be so negative. It’s not about stuff, it’s about hearing the panel of distinguished guests speak. It’s about that special ride on Pirates. Why did you go if you only complain?” Then I say to you, get with the program dearie and stop playing Pollyanna. It’s about selling stuff and don’t ever think it’s not.

Yes, the panel of guests was a special treat. It always is. The special ride was ho hum. I’ve had better trips down that waterfall into Pirate-land. If the event’s ride was an example of the best that Disneyland can do, then I truly fear for the future of the company. You want to talk special ride, Mickey’s Halloween Treat. Now that was a special ride on Pirates, back in the days when Disneyland understood the concept of giving the customer what they want and they’ll come back time and again for more.

I believe I am getting way ahead of myself with all this ranting and raving. Let me take you back in time, tell you the series of events that have made me so unhappy and why I think I wasted my money and time on the Pirates of the Caribbean Event. And, why this Disneyland-loving-diehard will now think twice before she pays to attend one of these events again.

So far, it’s been pretty hard for me not to go to one of these events. I’ve been afraid that I might miss something cool and I certainly can’t have that. I love Disneyland. I always have. Since the time I was four years old and first stepped onto Main Street till now, the point in time where I am way past grown up, I have needed to go to Disneyland. I spend a lot of my free time there. I met my closest friends there. I took my daughters there when they were small. I still take them there now that they are grown. So, to miss something? That is not an option with me. I grew up with Disneyland. It is my home away from home.

I decided with Pirates, I’d make it a total Disney weekend, complete immersion, no outside world. I live eight miles from the park and because of such, it was a bit of a decadent splurge of hard-earned money to book a room at the Disneyland Pacific for Friday and Saturday. I did it anyway. My treat to me. Since I am anything but an early riser (I do believe vampires have the right idea about wake up times), it was my thought that the comfort of the Disney hotel would ease the pain of having to arise at an ungodly hour to get in line to see the Pirate Merchandise.

My strategy was to get over to the park between 7 and 7:30 am. I figured that since I had early entry as a hotel guest, I would go into the park and hold a place in line to get in to see the Pirate stuff while my friends checked in outside. When they arrived, I’d go out and register for the event and come back in.

Because I didn’t have a wristband on, I could not stand in line at the Opera House. Okay…. that’s fair, I’m not going to pitch a fit or argue that. But hmmm, I would have liked to have known the rules beforehand, like when they sent out the confirmation to me. It would have saved me the $159 that Friday night at the hotel cost, because I would have only stayed Saturday night. Already, I was grumpy and it wasn’t even 7:30 yet.

So, I figured, okay, can’t stand in line, I’ve never seen Disneyland at this time of day, let’s make the best of this and ride a ride, get some breakfast for the gang in line outside. Cell phone rings…”Sue, get out here. They’re handing out numbers.” Oh, lovely. I would have liked to have known they were doing this beforehand too. Rules Disneyland. Make up the rules before the game starts and tell all the players.

Have you ever tried to get out of Disneyland before it officially opens? All the gates were locked. There were no hand stampers. No way to get out. No way. No how. So, I said to the first CM I could find, “Where do I go to get out?” I was directed to the opposite end. Again I posed the question, “Where do I go to get out?” I was directed back from whence I came. My patience was wearing thin. I tried not to get testy because how many folks want out of the Magic Kingdom at 7:30 in the morning? Finally a kind CM took pity on me, got out a hand stamp, stamped said hand, and opened a gate to let me out. She was very nice and patient and I appreciated her putting up with the freak who needed out before the park even opened.

I made the mad dash back, wayyyyyy back, to the end of the line. It stretched from Guest Relations nearly to Harbor Blvd. My friends all had numbers. They were 430-something. I waited for my number. They had run out. “Oh goodie. They are so prepared.” Apparently, the first person in line got there at 2:15 am. Why did Disneyland let this kind of thing happen?

After I stood for a good bit of time, I was absolutely convinced I’d never receive a number. They had passed me up and I would never get in. It was horrible. I frantically looked about. “Where is the CM with the numbers %!#, #&*$, it! I WANT A NUMBER AND I WANT IT NOW!” (Imagine Veruca Salt and you’ve got it. I was overly dramatic. Remember, it was early and I am a nighttime girl). That’s a bit of an exaggeration, just want to set the mood for you. Everyone in line was testy and worried that they would not get their most wanted piece of the Pirate treasure.

Finally a cast member with numbers arrived and placed one in my hot little hand. “Lovely. I can get in now.” Number 624. “Oh good. If everyone in front of me buys a tee-shirt, I can’t have one. Just love that. This lovely card with the magical number of 624 on it said that I must be in line according to my number by 8:30 am or I forfeit my place in line. Just love that too. So let me get this straight, I will be standing in line. You give me a number, which basically means nothing because I still have to stand in line once I get inside.

Why issue the number? Wouldn’t it make more sense to issue the number, not make folks wait in line, but call blocks of numbers and let them go in when their number is called? Or even better, use a fast pass kind of deal. Give everyone a time when they register. You go in between 10:30 and 10:45. Don’t stand in a line, go have breakfast and come back at that time.” Disneyland could have made a few more bucks off of that. I am digressing back into a rant here. So, I registered. Got my packet of stuff. Went back in the park. Got in line. Again. It was 10:30 am. Three, count em folks, three hours in line to get in line.

By now I was really not having any of this. It all seemed disorganized, pointless, and completely stupid. I had to stand in line to stand in line to spend money. And what was the point of doing all this at 7:30 in the morning? It could just as easily started in the afternoon so that folks would not be all worn out when the main event finally rolled around. You do remember that we were there for the panel discussion, right?

I became bitter and was determined to buy next to nothing. A CD, maybe. A pin, maybe. A tee-shirt, probably not, because I had too high of a number. A cast member went down the line announcing that everyone needed to be in numerical order. “Okay, so my friends have numbers in the 400s. I have 624. I am supposed to stand by myself for two hours? Thanks Disneyland. You’re so thoughtful and so well organized.”

While waiting, with the boys holding our places in line, we had time to go through all the stores on Main Street, sit and chat on the phone, and go to the bathroom. Back in line. Another cast member came by with eye patches for everyone. Cute. Arggghhhhh. I was not completely bitter at this point in time. I tried to participate in the spirit of things by uttering Pirate jargon. Arggghhhhh. We got up to the front after a long, long time.

At the entrance to the Opera House, a cast member took your number card and you moved to the next station where another cast member ran your Primary and Secondary shopping lists through a time card thing that stamped the time and a number on your lists. They explained that the orders would be processed by the time and number stamps. Something nice and thoughtful, what a concept. This was a nice thing because it allowed you to take your time perusing the merchandise without feeling the need to make a frenzied choice so you would not miss out because someone in front of you got the last of whatever.

I then took my first step into the room that was a virtual monument to gross consumerism. Everything was laid out in clear display cases so you could get a good look at all the merchandise, but you could not touch. The exception was the leather jacket, which I was quite amused to see, had dropped in priced from the original amount of $600 to $395. They had 200 available. I personally thought it was kind of cheesy. The leather was thin, and to my eye, it looked kind of like fake K-Mart leather. The logo was okay, not horrible, not wow that’s fantastic-gotta-have-it. They had a cast member available with sample sizes for try-ons. I saw quite a few folks trying them on. I passed. I have gorgeous leather Maleficent jacket that makes this one look like garbage and it was $100 cheaper. I just saved $395.

I moved on to look at the smaller stuff. The black tee-shirt was nice--$25 and 500 available. The event exclusive tee-shirt was okay too and came in a nice box, but it was white and I hate white. $35 saved and I don’t have to figure out what to do with the cool box when I’m, wearing the tee-shirt. I rather liked the reproduction of the Skeleton in Bed sculpture, but at $1800, I passed. I thought the Jail Scene with Dog was out of proportion. The dog looked like it went to Honey I Shrunk the Audience and Prof. Zalienski forgot to shrink the dog back down. Another $1800 saved. The lenticular cards, didn’t like them, didn’t like that the price went up two dollars from the Haunted Mansion event (they were $12 at Pirates) and that they were not available right then and there. I passed on those too. The large lenticular of the ship ($325) seemed to do nothing (as far as lenticular movement). After looking at it, I was really happy I got that Haunted Mansion ship lenticular, it was a better piece and I believe it was cheaper also.

There was a lot more merchandise to be had, pins (very nice and reasonably priced for what you got--$12.00 and $18.00), postcards (set of four for $10), a watch (artisan watch limited to day of sale--$200, Event logo $90), “Dead Men Tell No Tales” sculpture by Dave Smith $75 (I like the Haunted Mansion Bat stanchion far better and it was only $35), Marc Davis battle scene (limited to 1000 $150), various other paintings and lithographs and of course, the CD.

After making my selection (CD, black tee-shirt, and two pins), I made my way to the check out area. Let’s talk disorganization here. They had tables set up and from what I heard, two cast members to man them at the beginning. There was a cast members at the entrance to this sale, who I know is experienced in this kind of thing. They had her punching times on shopping lists. She said she told them that two people manning the checkout were not enough. No one listened. An hour later when they were swamped and overwhelmed, they finally pulled in more cast members to man the checkout tables. When I got there, they were working slow as molasses in January. How slow is molasses in January? Pretty damned slow folks. I was told that many of them were brand-new-hardly-worked-at-all cast members. So, you throw a sale for the most diehard of guests (because you know that’s who came to this thing) and you staff the sale with folks who have little or no experience. Brilliant. I am not saying that everyone there was inexperienced. I saw a lot of folks I know working. But, they were punching times, or taking tickets with numbers at the door. Brilliant management maneuver. Waste the talents of your most experienced staff. Loved that.

Another point I would like to make. I cut in line to pay. To all those I cut in front of, I am sorry I did this. I apologize. In my defense, I did not realize I did this till the deed was done. Why? Understaffing and disorganization at work once again. There was no delineation of where the line to check out began, non stanchions, no ropes, no signs, no nothing. There was no cast members on hand to direct folks where to get in line. So I simply walked up to the checkout area and handed my list to the first person who called out, Next.” When she asked, “Did you get a baggie?” I thought, “What is she talking about?” Then I realized I had cut in line because they were handing out baggies. Yes, baggies. This was part of their brilliant filling system. Take the guest’s information, list of what they want to buy, credit card number and signature and file it all in a ziplock baggie. Don’t you love that? I was told I could come back after 1pm and pick up my purchases. In retrospect, to that I laugh, HAH! I would not get my purchases till five PM the following day (after more waiting and waiting).

At this point in time I just meandered about the room, really looking at the merchandise, taking photos, inspecting the three auction pieces. The line to checkout started to grow and grow. It snaked around the room. It was hard to get a look at the display pieces. The cast members continued to work as slow as possible. People started to get snippy. Complaints filled the air. My friends and I left. It was around 12:30. It was now nearly five and one half hours since this endurance test began. Hunger had set in. We went to Café Orleans for sustenance.

By 2PM we were sated and back in shopping form. We were all part of the first 100 who got an extra 10 per cent discount on all additional non event purchases. I guess that Disneyland ended up giving that to every participant. I thought it was badly handled and refused to participate. My friends were prepared. They made lists. We stormed the park like the Normandy Invasion armed with cash. We went to Villains, China Closet, Crystal Arts, Disney Clothiers, Emporium, New Century Timepieces, and finally, New Century Jewelry, where my resistance caved. Yes, I succumbed to gross commercialism. I am ashamed of my lack of will power. I found a Maleficent pin I needed.

By now, it was nearly 3:30 PM. I was exhausted, hot, sweaty and desperately in need of a bubble bath. That’s why I had a hotel room. I decided to go and pick up my purchases. You remember I was told they’d be ready after one. It was closing in on four. It seemed like a great idea to get my stuff and take it back to the hotel so I wouldn’t have to deal with standing in line with a 1000 other people to get it after the event. There were people in line. I asked the cast member how long he thought it would be, “Well, to tell you the truth, we didn’t think anyone would come get their stuff early so we’re not prepared. Why don’t you come back later? We’ll have it all ready for you then and you won’t have to carry it around.” That wasn’t exactly how I wanted to do it, but okay. Later. He wasn’t kidding when he said they were not prepared. I just didn’t know the depths of how true that statement was.

I was now really worn out. When I said this was a test of endurance, I wasn’t kidding. It shouldn’t be this exhausting to buy a few trinkets and attend a panel discussion. It should not take 17 hours to get through an event. So, that bubble bath was sounding better and better. I arrived back at the Disneyland Pacific around 4PM. The tram system to the hotels is a test of endurance in itself. My hat’s off to all you tourists who put up with this thing. You are a better person than I. At 4PM I walked into my $159 a day hotel room to find that my bed had never been made. I had no fresh towels and no fresh soap. No maid had ever crossed the threshold of my room.

...OR CONTINUE on for a photo / video essay, bet you never saw the park like this...


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