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David Howe -- June 2000 -- Disneyland

June 26-28

Day 1

After spending several days on the beach and in gritty Orange County getting burned to a crisp and wishing my legs could be severed, I finally recovered after taking baths in Aloe Vera gel with lidocaine HCL, and after gobbing lots of spf 500 sunblock all over my red little body, I headed to Disneyland while my sister Katherine was at work. I wasn't particularly excited as I usually was, which I thought was unusual, but I figured that since I had been to the park several times before, my lack of jumping up-and-down excitement was due to the fact that I was suffering from Disneyland overkill. Maybe it was because I was tired. I don't know.

After spending a relatively boring day at Universal Studios where each queue is just a bunch of switchbacks with tents over them and TV screens hung from the rafters, and where each ride was basically trying SO hard to be themed but wasn't quite making it, I was looking forward to some real atmosphere and theming. As always, I wasn't letdown, and after being very impressed by the new turnstiles and brick entrance, I proceeded under the railroad bridge and into Main Street. The transition from Anaheim to Disneyland is amazing, although not as jarring as it used to be with the ugly, hot parking lot behind you. Still, it is one of the reasons why I find Disneyland superior to its Orlando sister: the immersive themeing is overwhelmingly evident. In Disneyworld, the area around the theme parks is landscaped and park-like, so it is a gradual transition to fantasy. In Disneyland, it slaps you in the face and gently moulds a smile onto your face.

Disneyland is so charming. I love how everything is small and welcoming. Very different from the other Disney parks. I just got back from Disneyland Paris, where everything is large and the park itself is overwhelming in its vastness and space. Your feet are ground to stubs by the time you reach the next attraction. Disneyland must seem so small and pitiful to one who has grown up visiting Disneyland Paris. Another charming aspect of Disneyland is that though it looks small and shriveled, it isn't. It has more attractions than probably any other Disney theme park.

Anyways, enough comparisons. After basking in the aforementioned immersive themeing, I was clueless as to which attraction I should scurry my little burnt feet to. As if sent from above, an astounding white light blinded my eyes; a majestic vision filled the void before me. After all, it is the most recognizable landmark in Disneyland (you can even see it from the 5)! With courage and steadfastness, I walked briskly to the Matterhorn and got in line on the Tomorrowland side. After banging around the icy slopes and chatting gaily with the Abominable snowman, I knew this choice was a mistake. My head was pounding afterwards and the headache lasted all day! Oy! I had to give in later in the day to the endless pain and grudgingly buy a little bottle of Excedrin at Pieces of Eight.

I won't bore you with the exact order of the rides I went on or what time I went on them or what shirt I was wearing and how narrow or large my pupils were at the time I went on the ride (after all, I forgot), but I will tell you that I had planned the day as a "relax in the immersive themeing day and not be in a rush", but ended up going on a lot of attractions. Pirates of the Carribean was breathtaking as usual, and Big Thunder Mountain was as hick as it ever was, um...let me see...everything was fine and dandy and I was enjoying myself to the nth degree until I reached the Haunted Mansion. Al Lutz had been in my mind all day for some dreaded reason, and of course he had to ruin the whole trip! Lo and behold, as a reader of the D-I-G, I was required to look up at the Haunted Mansion's second and third floors, and hark, paint was indeed peeling. I was stunned. I thought he peeled the pain himself just to make things exciting for his readers. Damn damn damn. From then on the atmosphere of the park was ruined. Everywhere I looked I saw paint peeling and white blotches, and Al Lutz's little head saying "I told you so!" It was the only thing I could think of: paint. The brass handles were peeling, doorknobs were peeling, Toontown was fading, the showroom for Splash Mountain was two inches from where it should have been. Everything was faulty. The positive synergy of the park was thrown into a rut and I fought my way through mobs of rabid tourists to City Hall to officially complain. Of course, the cast member was sickeningly nice and I wrote a little letter to the suits condemning them to Hell for ruining my nice little park.

A bottle of Excedrin and a pint of Kentucky Whiskey later, I finally recovered and threw myself onto the Disneyland railroad to stare at the berm and ponder how reality ever leaked into Disneyland. There was hope, of course. I could still feel Walt's presence on the Pirates of the Carribean and in the castle and wherever forced perspective was used, and I knew that Walt's presence would forever be in his little park, or in the little hearts of children or in the little hearts of the young at heart. But the whole park was flawed...

Day 2

I dragged myself up at six in the morning the next day and headed to the park for early entry, getting confused on Anaheim's streets with all the construction going with the massive ditches on either end, uneven pavement, and traffic lights that are green for five seconds. I did pass by a lovely Anaheim high school and several of the cute fantasy cottages that dot Anaheim and Garden Grove. It's all about kitsch in inland Orange County. I finally wove my way through traffic and into the Simba parking lot. Admiring the nice big green fences on either side of the Godzilla tram and breathing in the fresh Anaheim air, I finally made it to the main gate and passed effortlessly into the park. The first ride I headed to was Alice in Wonderland, my favorite Fantasyland dark ride. I liked the way the Disney suits blended Fantasyland together, combining elements from Alice into the Teacups.

My second day was primarily spent trying to find the right phone booth to call Disneyland guest relations to complain about the Magic Kingdom's cosmetic issues. I prefer the booth in Adventureland with the old fashioned phone and the lady that talks through the little speaker, but my long distance service I use didn't work there (?). I eventually found a nice spot to gripe right outside the dentist's office on Main Street. How appropriate. Later I got a Fastpass for Indy and walked right on, enjoying all the skulls, skeletons, snakes, and the details. I forgot how fantastic this ride was. It must have left quite a financial dent in Disneyland.

Pirates of the Caribbean was inspiring as usual, but I felt guilty to be taking up a whole row in the boat. I can't believe Disneyworld got such a crappy version of this ride. It's amazing at what all the East coast folks are missing out on; Pirates, Alice, Pinocchio, Toad, Matterhorn, Storybookland. Later I took a few spins on the railroad, admiring the stuffed animals and rubber dinosaurs in the Primeval world. Since I hadn't been on the monorail at Disneyland before, I spent what seemed like an eternity gazing at the empty submarine lagoon and the big bubbles floating to the surface. Uh, it was hot. Finally I got on, snatched a seat by the window and marvelled at all the scenery. I never realized how close the monorail comes to the Matterhorn. The ride offers a different perspective of the park from up high, especially the view around the base of the mountain and of the backstage areas.

By this time I was tired and ready to go home. After riding Big Thunder and several other rides earlier during the day, I was about ready to collapse onto the pavement and fall into a deep, absorbed sleep. So after buying two truffles on Main Street and acquiring the Disneyland Today guides in three different languages, I left the park.

Day 3

From the time I woke up, I was really looking forward to this day because my sister, who previously had been at work, was going to accompany me to Disneyland. Unfortunately, half the day was spent trying to get a duplicate remote for her Saturn, finishing up soil samples at her office, and stopping by In-n-Out for a big, fleshy burger. While she was out on a whirlwind of errands, I mostly sat in the car, staring at the dashboard and looking at my hair. Not that it necessarily needed to be looked at. By the time we finally arrived at the Disneyland hotel for check-in it was 2:00! I had never, ever been that late to a Disney park in all my seventeen years. I thought we weren't going to finally get to the Magic Kingdom until half and hour after the park closed!

This was my first experience at a Disneyland hotel, and since it was THE Disneyland hotel I had high hopes that were dashed as soon as we walked in. It wasn't necessarily peeling or falling over, but it just looked old and felt like a Holiday Inn at Vidalia Georgia. I guess I was spoiled from when we slept at the swank, $400 Disneyland Hotel in Paris. At the check-in gate we were informed that we had a "city" view of lovely Anaheim. That made the experience so much more magical. Nothing like Anaheim to add the silver lining. Ah well. I sound very cynical, but truth be told I wasn't REALLY expecting that much. I was aware that it wasn't even owned by Disney until the eighties, and that it definitely was not themed. I suppose I was looking for more Disneyed appointments, like an armoire with Peter Pan chiseled in the wood like in Europe. The only thing that really interested me in our room was the cute little notepad and Disneyland Hotel pens.

After I took a picture of my sister in a Vanna White pose framing our window and its lovely view of the portico's rooftop, we finally headed out to the park, via the monorail. After walking through two very large yellow walls and arriving at the station, however, my sister forgot she had to upgrade her Annual Passport to Premium since today was a block-out day. Being so frantic to get into the park I was ready to set fire to Downtown Disney and just wade through rubble and brick to the park entrance, but instead was forced to walk back through snow, rain, sleet, and gale force winds to the hotel, walk through to the other side and hop on the tram, which of course had to weave through Los Angeles County and Death Valley to get to the main entrance. Luckily, since everyone was inside the park enjoying themselves, we had the ticket booths practically to ourselves to upgrade her passport. After years of pensive waiting, we finally entered the park. I dropped to my knees, kissed the new and beautiful brick paving, and praised almighty Jesus. Well, sort of.

We made a bee line for Splash Mountain, clawing and assaulting our way through the sticky mobs of people to the Fastpass thingies. After receiving our 8:30 time slot, we were able to relax and leisurely strolled back to New Orleans Square to enjoy the Haunted Mansion and Pirates of the Carribean in their full splendor. I adore Pirates; how it smells, how it feels, and especially how it looks. It's so superior to any other ride I know, except for maybe Indy. But the fact that it's a classic and has endured for so many years puts it on the top of my list.

We spent the day taking our time going through the attractions, and looking back on the day, we packed in a lot of attractions in a short time span. I was thoroughly disappointed, though, when standing in line for Mr. Toad I spotted the reeds on the hat shop next door coming off, revealing the black wood beneath. Uh, how gross. I mentioned it to my sister and vowed revenge in the form of another filed complaint. But for the moment, I pushed it out of my mind and enjoyed Toad. I really love the Fantasyland rides, even though they are short and mild. The Disney people really did a great job in Fantasyland when they redid this land. I love the detail!

One of the highlights of the day was my ride on the Matterhorn. I like having an individual bobsled to myself since being in someone's lap makes the ride rougher, and for the first time since I've ridden it I was put in the very front. Sitting in the front completely changes the ride experience. Grasping the handle at the nose of the bobsled makes it feel like you are REALLY in a bobsled, careening down the mountain's slopes. It was so awesome. I was giddy after stepping off the ride and definitely wanted to do it again, hopefully in the front if the CM would let me (for the second ride, I was put in the back, but I didn't mind too much).

After our 8:30 Splash Mountain appointment, we frantically tried to budge our was through Fantasmic! crowds to get back to Main Street. I was excited about the new fireworks show and was really anxious to see it. With two minutes and counting we ran to Main Street and tried to pick out a decent spot to watch the spectacle. Main Street was full. All I could see was rows and rows of heads staring at the castle. It was unreal; almost as if they were expecting some sort of extra-terrestrial life form to suddenly suck up the castle. Since the trees were blocking the view of the castle from all the available vantage points, we jaunted to Fantasyland hoping to find space there. Luckily we were able to squeeze into a spot and watch the show. It was spectacular. I came close to tears when I realized that this fireworks show embodied what Disney is all about: magic. The previous two days were filled with so many disappointments and letdowns with upkeep and maintenance, that Walt Disney's Magic Kingdom didn't seem so magical. The show redeemed the Disney company, at least for the moment. As if time stopped, with every family and couple staring amazed to the skies, Disneyland was full of sparkle.

Of course I had to ruin the whole experience by going directly to Main Street when the park closed to talk to the nice lady at City Hall about the blown out lightbulbs along Main Street and the shabby roof in Fantasyland. Naturally I sounded like an idiot talking to her, but it felt good that someone was aware of it, and I felt like I did my part once more to keep Disneyland magical. After buying my friend Sarah some Mickey ears and feeling confident that Disneyland was still special, my sister and I said goodbye to the park and passed beneath the railroad berm into reality.

David Howe

cowslip@hotmail.com

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