Thursday, March 2, 2001
by Kevin Yee
I've frequently heard it said that Disneyland is like high school but with ashtrays (well, nowadays there aren't even ashtrays, I guess). I think it's even worse than that. It's like high school without the teachers! After all, the nominal charges — leads — are peers in a way. Can underclassmen be kept in line by upperclassmen with only a modicum of control? Sure, to an extent. But not when those underclassmen are out of sight!
Today's column is one which could be never-ending, if enough of you readers out there who are former CMs also write in with some of your own stories of CM hijinks. So let me make a special plea: send me your stories! Short or long, a paragraph or a whole collection, I'm very interested in hearing these. I'm quite able to tell you my own stories as well, but mine tend to be centered around my location: the Cafˇ Orleans or French Market. I'm sure the readers out there would be delighted to hear also about Space Mountain, or the Matterhorn, or the Emporium, or whatever else you CMs out there could talk about. Let's hear it!
OK, now on to my stuff. I've defined "hijinks" as "things a CM shouldn't be doing," so let me narrow it down to a few categories.
Sneaky, Sneaky.
It's inevitable. Young people, drawn so much to Disney that they work for Disneyland, are naturally curious about Disneyland rides. So when they get off work really late, and Disneyland is closed, it just seems to make sense that many of them go wandering around to see the rides up close. They most certainly are not allowed to do this, but the rules actually stop very few of them from trying.
The Abominable Snowman is quiet at night
Want to get your picture taken with the Abominable Snowman? Now's your chance. If you care to visit the Pirates' Treasure Room, there's a good likelihood that it's deserted at this time of day (but beware, it's a regular labyrinth back there). Desperate to find out if there really is a tunnel underneath Tomorrowland? Start tugging at doors until you find the one which opens into the tunnel.
The treasure room at Pirates of the Caribbean
Please note, I'm not telling you to go explore — you can get in big trouble that way. I'm just noting that some folks do it anyway.
Sometimes you could get into trouble by being backstage but in a perfectly legitimate way. My friend Alice (not her real name) can be rather absent-minded. She took no note of the parked and dark Main Street Electrical Parade floats out in the area between Main Street and Tomorrowland; after all, they always parked here between shows. But her inattention one day proved to be her downfall, for the units started moving and one of them promptly ran into her, ran over her, and sent her on a medical leave for several weeks with injuries. I guess the drivers cannot see well. I wouldn't be surprised if they hit things all the time, actually, especially when they're away from the parade route illumination. I would find bulbs on the ground, presumably knocked off, all the time. That how I got mine, long before they started selling them.
Quy and Mark, Asian twins who both hired into Disneyland Foods, were sneaky in a different way. As identical twins, they acted out what many of us assume twins do all the time: they switched places. Quy was in our restaurant in New Orleans Square, and Mark was Critter Country Foods. Neither was cross-trained, so whenever Mark showed up wearing Quy's nametag, he had no idea what to do.
That's not the odd part. The odd part is that no one noticed! A few years after they both quit, Quy one day came clean about it. He asked if we'd ever noticed him acting slow or confused — which we had, now that he mentioned it — and then he said those were days when Mark worked for him!
Playing with your food.
Note: not stealing food. The whole concept of stealing is dealt with in a different column some day in the future.
It's a restaurant, so CMs naturally will try to create new food items to eat or play with the food somewhat. One guy — let's call him Adam — was particularly known for this. He discovered that coating a slice of mozzarella cheese with mayo and hurling it at the tiled wall would result in a slice of cheese stuck to the wall. He delighted in showing this to us, for some reason. Sometimes even flipping the slice over his shoulder at the wall.
The "Adam-Specials," though, were unique. Back in those days we served French baguettes, hollowed out for meat-vegetable mixtures (this was the West Coast version of Handwiches, pioneered by The Land exhibit in Epcot). Adam coated a baguette with butter and salt and steamed it in our steamer for several minutes. (The fact that we needed a steamer to soften this otherwise hardtack-type bread should have been the first clue that this kind of food had to go.) Delicious.
Better still, use the tomato sauce from downstairs on the softened baguette, add Italian sausage and other meats from the meat-mixtures, toss in some mozzarella from the croissant sandwiches, and voila, you've got pizza bread!
Not... uh... that I ever tried it. I just watched Adam create his masterpieces, you see.
Cast Member Revenge
Cast Members have to deal with all sorts of Guests, including those with no brains, no clue, or no manners. So your average onstage CM will take delight in seeing some revenge dished back at the Guests, even ones otherwise innocent.
Sometimes this takes the form of wrong directions. The nearest bathroom to New Orleans Square is not in Tomorrowland, despite what you may have heard from annoyed busmen. Toontown is not right around the corner, and it's not true that the 9 PM Fantasmic begins at 9:30.
The more serious sort of revenge, such as spitting into food, is so heinous we won't discuss it. I do know of a CM who claims to have done so to a Guest who really annoyed him, but he is just the sort of person to claim it without having done it. I hope.
Much more common is the anonymous sort of revenge. Previously at the Cafˇ Orleans, the outside patio had one exit gate and one which was emergency only. People would try to enter the emergency exit only to find it wouldn't open. Ditto for people trying to leave that way. This is the kind of gate you see all throughout Disneyland with no visible way to open it, yet it does have a latch. The latch is actually underneath the mechanism, just reach down there and press upward. But instead, many Guests who are determined to go out the emergency exit just pinch open the hinge itself. Inevitably it would pinch back. Watching them get pinched for doing something they shouldn't have been doing was the highlight for many busmen.
As I said, I'm sure that examples of this type abound in the world of Cast Members. So please, if you have any, send them in!
Next up: Grad Nites
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Are you a CM or a former CM? I would love to hear and share your stories! E-mail me! Stories and comments you submit become property of and may be published on this site; we normally don't publish last names of current CMs, but if you wish to remain anonymous altogether or do not want me to share your stories, please let me know when you e-mail me. — Shoshana NOTE: The views and opinions expressed in reader-contributed stories do not reflect those of Cast Place or MousePlanet. CM – Cast member; company lingo for “employee.” Empowerment Evolution – The 1995 attempt by newer park management to introduce modern accountability and market forces into the stodgy Disneyland methodology and power hierarchies. The name was meant to “empower” rank and file employees by removing layers of their management, though now there are more managers than ever. TPO – Theme Park Operations; the division of the Disneyland hierarchy that actually works in the theme park itself. TDA – Team Disney Anaheim; the name of the on-site administration building. Area manager – used to be responsible for an entire land, with all business divisions in the area reporting to him. Area supervisor – the immediate boss for location supervisors who divide up a department of intelligently grouped locations. The area supervisors in turn reported to the area manager. Nowadays all supervisors and area supervisors have been replaced by managers and assistant managers — the same idea, but smaller “business units" than a department; usually just one location in fact. RFT – “A” status; a full-time hourly employee. RPT – “B” status; an hourly employee five days a week but just not quite 40 hours usually. CR – “C” status; an hourly employee who works weekends year-round and five days a week during all school holiday periods (including summer and Christmas break). CT – a part-time hourly employee who works five days a week during all school holiday periods (including summer and Christmas break). No seniority, so shifts worked are usually quite short. Locate the employment center to fill out an application, and they will call you for an interview (dress nicely, just shy of an actual suit). Once there, follow these rules, in this order of importance: 1. Smile and be very friendly. They want outgoing people.
2. Do not let the group interview throw you off balance. They want outgoing people who can “perform” a little bit.
3. Do not worry about job (in)experience. They don't care. They want friendly people, not experienced and/or hardened people.
4. Do your best to convince them you already have a Disney attitude: you want to work with people, you're a team player, and you would consider this a dream job (however, don't overdo it on the crazy-Disney-fan side either). Strike a nice balance.
5. Did I mention the importance of a smile? 
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