Reader Submitted Story
ODV (Outdoor Vending) Follies

I was an ODV CM from '94 to '97, enough time to build up a few stories. Once, when working "Ice Cream 9" by the Haunted Mansion, I kept getting asked where the Mansion was. Now usually, the ice cream cart lays between the popcorn and churro wagon in the area, just outside the French Market. This day we had placed it at the rail between the top and middle tiers of the walkway / Fantasmic viewing area. So I would respond to these directional questions with something to the effect of "turn around and walk 30 feet... you're there." Well, after 5 hours, I started getting creative. I told one guest to go across to the French Market, follow the path behind it through the shops until they saw a main path, then turn left, and they would see it on their left. Another I told that the best way was to board the Disneyland Railroad, get off on the fourth stop, and he would see it on the left (this one came back to me... with a sense of humor about the whole thing... he liked the railroad, and hadn't been planning on riding it).

Frontierland / New Orleans Square Train Station

Then, another day, I was putting out one of the countless trash-can "904's" (Cast lingo for "fire") that occur when a Guest drops a lit cigarette into a receptacle (this was before the days of designated smoking sections). I was working the Frozen Lemonade wagon in New Orleans, in the exact same spot the ice cream wagon had been in my last story. Having two people on the wagon when I was told about the fire, I jogged over to the popcorn wagon and commandeered the fire extinguisher, then after putting out the smolder (not too much of a fire) I called Disneyland Fire Department (DFD) from the raft dock (no phones on wagons).

When I returned the partially used fire extinguisher to the popcorn wagon to be replaced by DFD and came back to my wagon, I felt a force like someone had punched me in the right side of my face. I looked all around, and finally found the culprit... one of those small "Disney birds" (the ones who like spaghetti so much) recovering from it's collision with me. I played it off to the crowd, saying that he was mad I didn't bring popcorn to feed him. Then I went backstage and offered anyone in ODV a $20 reward for bringing me this bird's head on a spike. Probably a good thing nobody took me up on it.

Here's an unfortunately common stupid guest story... when I was a lead for the ODV Blue Team (ice cream, glow, and balloons), I was making my rounds when I heard the familiar beep of a CFA (Central First Aid) run in my radio earpiece. I was at the ice cream wagon by the Briar Patch shop, and the run was for a young child not breathing at the Hungry Bear. Since I was there, and in a tie (the voice of authority to guests), I went up to the restaurant to see if they needed assistance with guest control or anything. Well, CFA, coming from Main Street (I never understood them closing the Critter Country first aid station), weren't there yet. What was there was a single custodial CM, radio still in hand from calling for CFA, and a crowd gathered around a mother crying and holding her son of about 4 years old. Normally, I'm a laid-back guy who hates pressure... but I turned on the authority machine this time. 

I ordered the CM to get the crowd back 15 feet and clear a path for first aid. Then I took the child and checked his airway... his tongue had swollen up and blocked his windpipe. So I dug it out and performed mouth-to-mouth. After just a couple breaths, the kid started coughing and the blue started to fade from his face. Then, here comes the shocker... the mother picked him up and started to walk away! I asked where they were going... "To Splash Mountain... he's fine now." 

I almost had to physically restrain them to keep them from leaving before CFA showed up (about 15 minutes later). No way was I going to let them go without being checked out! Turns out the kid had a fever of 103¼ that morning, but his parents brought him anyway. His temperature, plus the heat of the day and physical exertion of walking around had almost spelled disaster.

The view across from Pirates

Here's one that did involve a death, but fortunately not a human one. I was pushing out and setting up the beverage cart that sits along the river in front of Pirates, and we had to move a group of guests that had gathered where the water hookup was. They moved, and we saw what they were looking at... a little duckling, floating dead in the water. We all felt bad... not just because a baby duck was dead, but because little kids saw it. I went with the audio-animatronic angle, telling the kids that most of the birds at Disneyland were really robots... this one just needed fresh batteries. Thankfully, the parents let me get away with that (though many parents would argue when I said there was only one Mickey).

Then, as I hopped over the rail and leaned out to gather the duck in a plastic bag, a parent was there to ask what we really did with dead animals. I told her that I would take it to the Circle D Ranch behind the Park, and it would be given a proper burial. Of course, I imagine this sort of thing happens all the time, and I doubted to myself that Circle D would really want to deal with it. So, kids and a parent both appeased with different stories (do you call them lies when it's to protect Disney's image?), I took the duck backstage and threw him in a dumpster and pressed the "compress" button.

Editor's note: there really is a department to deal with this stuff. Oddly enough, the department to call is "Landscaping" — they will come out and gather the body. Whether they just throw it in the dumpster is anybody's guess... but I suspected that once, and checked our local dumpster a few minutes after a Landscaping guy left with a rat once... and there was no rat in the dumpster. — Kevin